Hi, You can call me Pandora. Obviously that is not my real name but you don't need to know that. Here are a few things about me. I'm a 27 year old Female who lives in the USA. I can be your best friend or your enemy only you can decided that. I am very loyal to my friends and I am usually the one who you can turn to and talk to or help you with something if you need it. I will give you a few chance but if you keep messing up you are dead to me and not my friend anymore.
I still live at home as i have no money. For the last 26 years of my life it has always been just me and my mom and maybe her occasional boyfriend. That has always been fine with me. My father never wanted me in his life he stood in front of a judge while i was right there and denied i was his daughter even tho the blood test proved that i was. I accepted that if he didn't want me in his life i didn't want him in mine. I found out while i was still a teenager i had a brother and Sister. I wanted desperately to find them and have a relationship with them but i never knew thier last name or how to find them.
A few years ago 2 or 3 years my mom got a instant message on facebook from a woman she seemed to know i belive it was my brother and sister's aunt. She informed my mom that my Dad George died a few months before from a heart attack. My mom called me into the room and told me what had happened. I had no emotions (Why would i have any for a man who didnt love me enough to be a father to me?) all i said was "Ok ask her about my brother and sister". When she did the lady told her thier last names and that i could find heather on myspace.
Well needless to say i was right on the computer searching. When i finally found her i felt like everything was finally right. I emailed her and shocked the hell out of her. She knew nothing about me she didn't even know she had an older sister which i thought was strange sense her mother knew about me. We found out later that it seemed everyone know but no one thought to inform Heather and Jeff about this. I have spent the last couple of years getting to know her thought emails and such and finally got to meet her and my brother a few weeks back and i loved every minute of it.
This last year my mom got married. Shocked the hell out of me and everyone else because my mom had always said she would get married when hell froze over. So someone check out hell for me its probably full of ice. I like her husband for the most part. But he makes me feel about an inch tall sometimes and makes me feel like i am a idiot. I am use to my life a certain way its been the same way for 26 years. I can't change everything in just a few months time but to me it seems that he thinks i should. He makes me feel like an idiot because i dont know how to check the oil in the car and stupid things like that. It seems like with him i do nothing right. I dont do the dishes right i dont clean right i dont do anything right. He always thinks im lying. I will admit sometimes i am but most of the time i am not.
To tell you all the truth i don't feel like i am a part of this family anymore. I'm just an outsider someone who use to be part of the family. Now I'm just the inconvenience that live in the house and everyone wishes would leave. The family is now Mom, my Step-Dad and my Step Sister. It's all about them. A couple of months back my step sister was here for her weekend and she was in their room sitting on their bed so i went in there to talk. A few min later my step dad comes in and asks why is every in his room it is too small for us all to be in there. My mom says i thought you told her to come in here and my step father replies Yea i told my daughter to come in here not her. So i dropped the game DVD i was looking at talking to my step sister about and said OK so I'm not wanted and walked out of the room. My mom made him feel like shit about it and he came and said he was sorry but just looking at him and in his eyes i felt he was only saying sorry to make my mom get off his back.
dont have to make me feel like a peacie of dirt like i am not wanted and that im not loved.
I'm sorry to whoever would be reading this. I didn't mean to get all emotional at the end but these things happen. I will write again soon.....
I like this. You have every right to get emotional. This is YOUR blog YOUR place to be emotional. If someone don't like it then don't read it. I'm glad to see you made this. I'm hoping to get a lot out of blogging my thoughts. But anyway, if you feel that R is giving you the evil eye and only apologizing to make your mom happy, you're probably right. always follow your gut instinct at least that is what i do. but doing that can make you go crazy, you feel like someone hates you and you know it with all your soul, and yet they say they don't but you just feel it, makes you feel crazy. i personally dont think R hates you, but he does have issues with accepting you for you. he is one of those creatures that has this thing called a penis and they are assholes most of the time and you just do what you know is right and make yourself some good positive goals. it's really rewarding to achieve goals, boosts the self esteem too. they don't have to be huge goals lol like me moving up there that will take some time, but simple little goals for daily tasks. if you set them as goals it feels so much better knowing you met your goal. idk why i am telling you that it has nothing to do with your blog LOL. oh well maybe some good advice you might needed to hear haha. anyway keep your chin up. <3
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